Chelle-isms

greetings from TN

2010-10-04T17:06:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday? Well, right now I am playing house wife. I was injured on August 2, 2010 and have been unable to work. My wonderful fiance is working two jobs to keep us afloat and we are finally starting to catch up with the finances! I am starting to feel as if I am not contributing enough. I do keep the house clean, dishes washed and laundry done, but I don't feel like I am helping. He acts as if I am, but I don't feel like I am. I am helping some friends by helping with their after school when they have to work late, but I want a real job. Unfortunately I have no car right now. Maybe one of these days anpther will come my way, but for now I am having to borrow one for Chris to get to work, or to go to the grocery store. All in all I am happy being here. I love being with Chris, love state of TN, love my little home and our new addition (kittie named Patches)so, I guess that is what is most important. Blog more soon!

Welcome me back!

2010-10-01T19:50:00.002-04:00

I am back... starting off slowly and working my way (fingers crossed) to posting again full time! I have lots of new changes in my life. Some new adventures. Some good, some not so. I am no longer in Florida. Now located in Tennessee! I will add some new up dates soon! :)

Look, I didn't fall off the face of the earth

2009-06-15T19:15:00.003-04:00

Wow, So I haven't been on here since December. I almost forgot my log in information. The year seems to be flying by.I can't believe June is half over and I am still stuck in January. Not much has changed. The guy and I are still together, work is still work and I am still me. I did get to see My Tracy about a week ago. That was wonderful! It had been 2 years since we have seen each other and she was just as beautiful as always! I also got to see her awesome family. They always make me feel so welcome!(Especially Tracy's Mommy she is so great!!) :) Ms. Jenna brought her best friend Ms. Cat with her
I am so happy to gotten to see them all.... even if it was brief!

Where did the year go?

2008-12-29T19:38:00.003-05:00

I can't believe that it is almost over. I don't know where the year has gone. I have been out of town more than I have been home. I feel, at times, like I don't even have a home. I live out of a suit case most of the time. I want to be home for a while. I want to have a normal nine to five job. I just love what I do. Even if it stresses me out, at times, beyond belief. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend today and when he asked me how my day was going/what I was working on.... it dawned on me. I mean... who can come home and say "I built a tree today" or "I worked on some really huge tentacles for a Giant Man-o-war"? I have a really interesting, creative, fun job. I just wish I could enjoy it more without being so tired or stressed! So, where did the year go? Did I leave it in another state... did it just slip away without even noticing? I don't know. Maybe next year will be different or who knows maybe it will all be one big blur out of the wind shield in front of me, but I guess if it goes by with happiness and love... who cares!

Update from last post

2008-12-02T17:27:00.001-05:00

Well, We talked. I think everything will be alright. I listened to what he had to say... then I said what was on my mind. I reminded him of the things we talked about when we decided to start down this path. I am much happier now. Hopefully this is what he truelly wants. I guess only time will tell.

I just don't know

2008-11-28T01:39:00.004-05:00

People have been asking me how Mike and I are doing and I have been saying good. Tonight that has changed. I don't know how we are doing. I went into this with total honesty in mind. we talked, I told him what I wanted... what I expected. I thought I was finally going to be happy again... I thought I was finally gonna get what I deserved. Well, maybe this means that I don't deserve to be happy.
Almost 9 years ago I lost the one person who I thought I was going to spend my life with. He passed away suddenly. It was hard. It still is. I have had a few relationships since then. Each has failed. Each has broken a piece of me, leaving me to feel incomplete. I thought this time would be different. I guess I was wrong. I guess I was just seeing what I wanted. I had this bad feeling in which I ignored. I should have questioned it. I should have listened to that little voice. Now I am just left confused and hurt.
I don't know if we are through, but I don't think I can trust him right now. We need to talk when there aren't any substances changing reality. I need answers. I need to be able to think and work this out. I am angry and full of disdain.

No, I have nothing to say

2008-11-15T22:04:00.002-05:00

I haven't been on here a whole lot... I'm sure you have noticed. I haven't had anything to say.
I have been out of town some more, and will be traveling more very soon.
Tonight was Punky's (my niece) birthday party. It was fun. We had lots of good food and of course her favorite part... cake and presents! She looked too cute in her pretty pink "princess" dress.
I think I need some motivation... something to write about... so topics. My brain is blocked! HELP!

Yes, I am still alive

2008-10-26T19:20:00.002-04:00

It has been forever since I have posted anything. I have been busy, so sue me.
I ordered a costume for Halloween, I took the easy way out.
I don't feel like I have time for much these days. I am leaving again in a week to go out of town for work and probably won't be home until just before Thanksgiving. I am getting run down.
I have been seeing a chiropractor for some pain I have been having. It is almost fixed and now with the impending trip, I fear it will return.
Mike and I are still together. Still happy. I have been enjoying my time with him. He seems to make my worries and troubles disappear. Even if only for the weekend.
I hope everyone has a good Monday.

A day with Punky

2008-10-12T22:21:00.003-04:00

I spent the day with my Niece (Punky). We had a blast. Of course we didn't do anything that I had planned out (with the exception of lunch), but we had fun.
She has grown so much. And what a smart little cookie she has become. Almost 2 years old.
She was sitting in the living room, in her highchair coloring, with my mom and she noticed that I wasn't there anymore. So, she looks at my Mom ans says, clear as day, "Where did Chelle go?" My mom told her I was on the back porch. So, she craned her little neck so hard to try and see me. I thought that was awesome.

Everyone say yay...

2008-10-06T14:49:00.001-04:00

I am home!

For Brittany

2008-10-06T14:40:00.002-04:00

I keep hearing this song and it reminds me of you.
The words are kinda haunting. I don't mean it to sound negative. I think of it in a different sort of way. More healing than hurtful.
I thought maybe you might want to check it out. I love you and respect your choices! ::HUGS::

Breaking Benjamin
"Here we are"

Sing it for me
I can't erase the stupid things I say
You're better then me
I struggle just to find a better way

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye
The lonely road
The one that I should try to walk alone
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye

You wouldn't like me
Keep moving on until forevere ends
Don't try to fight me
The beauty queen has lost her crown again

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye
The lonely road
The one that I should try to walk alone
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye

So why are you so eager to betray?
Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up
So, why are you the one that walks away?
Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up

So here we are
Fighting and trying to hide the scars
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye
The lonely road
The one that I should try to walk alone
I'll be home tonight
Take a breathe and softly say goodbye
Just take a breathe and softly say goodbye

Halloween

2008-10-02T21:36:00.001-04:00

This is my favorite holiday. I love to dress up. I haven't been able to make a costume this year, so I was looking into buying one.
What are you going to do/be for Halloween?
What's your favorite costume ever?
I'll let you know what I come up with very soon.

Hmmmm

2008-10-01T18:36:00.003-04:00

Well folks. I am still in WV. I have been given a return date though. I will be returning to Florida on Sunday. This makes me very happy. I am missing my family, friends and Mike!
The weather has been beautiful here. It's been cool in the mornings... around 50 degrees and warm in the afternoons... somewhere around 75. I wish we could this weather year round. The leaves are starting to change. It's breath taking.
Here are a few more pictures... nothing special.

Angela and I at "The Mound"

Another view from the cemetery.

Crypt doors.... I find them to be very beautiful. Yes, I have a strange fascination with cemeteries.

Interesting roots. I love the way they seem to hold on to each other

I'm lame...

2008-09-25T18:00:00.003-04:00

I know. I know. I said I would be blog as much as possible and I haven't been blogging at all. I haven't really had much to say. Angela and I went sight seeing, if you may, on Sunday. I took a few pictures. Here they are.

A view from the mound. This is from the top of an Indian Burial mound located about 7 blocks from the Hotel.

The Capital building in distance

Flowers in the dark. A window in a crypt in the cemetery we visited.

I just thought she was beautiful.

From the inside out. A view from the peep hole in my door.

So, there is a small peek into my trip.

I am still alive

2008-09-19T18:44:00.002-04:00

I am still alive and still in West Virginia. ::POUTS::
The job seems to be going well. We are a bit ahead of schedule. This is good. I have been sleeping much better. Back to my regular 4 1/2 to 5 hours a night. I really want to go home now. I miss my Family and Mike.
I will try to be better about posting, but I haven't really done anything to exciting. Maybe Sunday, when I have a day off I can get some good pictures to share. We'll see. Tah-Tah for now.

I'm still here

2008-09-12T21:45:00.002-04:00

Well, I am still here. I have been sleeping like total crap! I feel completely wiped out when I get off from work. My brain seems to want to seize up whenever I try to write something... anything. I cannot wait to get home. I miss my family and I miss Mike desperately. Claudia... I email my Addy to you... Tracy, I will get the addy here if you want it, ut I don't plan on being here too much longer, so let me know if you want it! Love you all! ::HUGS::

UGH!

2008-09-08T22:25:00.001-04:00

Well, I have made it. I am in West Virginia. I feel like death warmed over. I drove the entire way. I can't believe I have to go to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning. MUST SLEEP NOW!!!

Within

2008-09-02T22:27:00.003-04:00

I can still taste you on my lips
Tingling, throbbing pulse from your hands caressing
Your scent lingers on my skin, in my hair
I quiver with just the thought of you
The walls around me crumble more each day
This feeling I have yearned for, for so long
Thoughts tangle and swim within
Heavy breath
Longing gaze
A desperate thirst quenched by your very being
I am lost no more

no bitching here, today...

2008-09-02T00:10:00.002-04:00

Thank you Claudia, for telling me that it is okay to bitch! It's good to know! LOL
Right now I have nothing to bitch about. I just spent a wonderful weekend with Mike. We stayed in Friday night, hung with some of my friends Saturday night (Hi Brit) and had a blast, Slept most of Sunday.... and we had time with my family today. I think my wall is starting to come down. He makes me feel really comfortable. I can actually sleep next to him. Something I couldn't do with my last 2 boyfriends. (I guess that should have told me something, huh?) I don't feel the need to stop silence when with him. I can sit and just enjoy his company. I feel good. So, no need to bitch today. At least not until I see what is in store for me at work tomorrow. I hope everyone had a glorious long weekend. Goodnight.

Combination blog

2008-08-28T16:36:00.004-04:00

First I must say A SUPER HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Tracy! You can visit her here.
I hope you are having a super duper day Beautiful Lady! I miss you bunches!

Now for the rest of this blog.... So, I am not going to bitch or rant about work. Not today anyway. Mike (my someone) and I spent all last weekend together just enjoying our time together. It was really nice to spend time with someone and to be happy.... truelly so! He puts a smile on my face whenever I see him.
I have been painting some really awesome things at work... well, at least I think they are awesome! I am going to take some pictures tomorrow, so that you can judge for yourself.
I am LOVING the new car. It is sssoooo much fun to drive. I had a slight hick-up with it last week, but all that is being taken care of tomorrow. Something really stupid with the engine light and needing a new gas cap and something else minor. I think they could here the annoyance and rage in my voice when I called them 3 days after I got my car wanting this taken care of ASAP. But all is going to be good.
I am trying to have a completely different outlook on life. I am trying to be more positive. I am also trying to be more open to issues that I have ignored in the past. Everything will be a one day at a time thing instead of having my head under the water, struggling for air.
Sorry it's been a while since my last blog, but I was really trying not to bitch!
So, Once more Happy Birthday you Sexy Woman you!!! Loves ya!

Icky Weather called for

2008-08-20T17:29:00.002-04:00

I am dreading the weather. It's hurricane season and Fay is here to remind me of that. The storm is supposed to hit sometime tomorrow, but we will be feeling it late tonight and early tomorrow morning. I have to commute an hour in this crap. I don't like storms like this.... AT ALL! I want to stay curled up in my bed under my covers... with ear plugs in and ignore the world for the next 48-72 hours!

My new Baby!!!

2008-08-16T17:25:00.002-04:00

Yeah... this is it my new baby!

This car is soooo much fun to drive! I am in love!

I am super stoked Yo!

2008-08-16T07:39:00.003-04:00

I am picking up my brand new car this morning. I feel like bouncing, doing cartwheels, jumping.... I did the happy dance like 30 times yesterday afternoon.
Let me start over. I made my 40 hours at work yesterday at 12:30... this gave me the afternoon to go deal with the car dealership. I was good... I brought every piece of information they needed... the car salesmen was quite impressed. He told me he was at least. I test drove a car, told him what I wanted in one, and sent them searching all over Florida to get me what I wanted! They found it in Orlando. I negotiated pricing a couple of times. No big deal. I brought a book with me and stayed very relaxed. Chris, my car salesmen came out a couple of times with a worried look upon his face.... would give me a bit of information... I would look up from my book give him a yes or no answer... or maybe a 2 or 3 word answer and would go back to reading. I think this made him nervous or uncomfortable. So, finally he came back out and told me they located a vehicle with everything I asked for... down to the specific paint color.... they had the paperwork drawn up and they just needed to go pick the car up. So, I got 3,000 knocked off the MSRP. I got the 7,765.00 I owed on my old car paid off and I am going to pick up my brand new twilight blue Saturn Astra XR 3door this morning. I am Super stoked!

I will post pictures soon!

Kitty Boy recieved an E-Card...

2008-08-14T19:07:00.001-04:00

My Cat's vet sent me an e-mail the other day telling Buddy Happy Birthday. Inside was a link to an e-card. I thought I'd share
Kitty Boy's birthday card!

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLOG

2008-08-11T16:55:00.004-04:00

Hmmmm.... Well, I had a nice weekend. Nothing too exciting to report. Went out to dinner and a movie with my sister. We watched Swing Vote. It was cute and funny.
I had my talk with my someone. I guess I can officially say that. We had a good talk. At the end I asked him to bare with me. He said he could definitely do that. It's Monday again. I think it should be illegal to work on Mondays. I think people should get to stay in bed on Mondays. Now, I must go find something to call dinner.

Friday!!

2008-08-08T15:49:00.002-04:00

I am sooooo glad it's Friday. I can finally sleep in tomorrow. YAY!!! I have made it 2 full weeks without colapsing in the heat box that I call work. I actually got up uber early this morning and went in to try and break up the hellacious heat, and to get to leave early! It was nice... let me tell ya! LOL
I am going to the "someones" house tonight. I think I will have my talk with him and see if he is up for the ride. I am gonna lay it all out there and let him know my full thought on it all. I have had a good amount of thinking time and I think I am up for a relationship if it is going to be completely honest and up front.. since that is the kind of person I am. We'll have to wait and see.
I wish all of you a wonderful weekend! ::HUGS::

Someone?

2008-08-06T22:30:00.002-04:00

I have someone. I do. Not sure how to feel about it. I can't. I just don't have it in me anymore. I have poured out so much of myself over my lifetime and so many times gotten shit on in return. Now, I have someone. I didn't want to make this person fall for me, though I knew he would. He has felt this way about me for a long time now. But, I can't help it. I just want to feel loved, cared for, wanted. Unfortunately I don't know if I can give the same in return. I feel almost cold inside. I know what love is. I have had it in my life before. In my very being. In my soul but, I am afraid to even allow it now. I afraid that if I let down this wall I have created that I will end up broken, completely. Utterly destroyed. An empty shell of a person. There is this nagging urge inside of me that wants me to be free, but there is a weight that keeps me pinned safely down. I have someone, but I am numb.

little tid bits for your enjoyment

2008-08-03T14:27:00.002-04:00

A friend sent these too me in an email. They made me giggle... I thought I'd share!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________
&n bsp;
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And the best for last:

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No .

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law

The dark knight

2008-08-03T03:45:00.002-04:00

I went to see The Dark Knight. It is full of very disturbed creatures, psychotic characters at their best! I loved it! I made me laugh some much I nearly cried! I can see why they said Heath Ledger was having such a hard time while filming this movie. His character was delightfully wicked. I can also see why Christian Bale is having such a hard time with this now. This movie is not about batman... at least not in my opinion. I mean he shares the spotlight, of course, but it is the very edge of it. The Joker is the true star in this movie. They make movies with the hero in mind, but the villains in this film are so very poetic. I totally think this is a must see!

as promised

2008-07-31T19:02:00.003-04:00

Here is what my hair now looks like... not much different. I decided to go back to black though.

not much to report

2008-07-30T19:18:00.002-04:00

Well it's Wednesday. I don't have a whole lot to say. Nothing eventful has happened. I am however thinking about getting a different car. I have only had the one I drive now for 3 years, but I am really digging the latest little car from Saturn. It is a hatch back called Astra and it is adorable. It is the car that was put out to replace the model I drive now (which is the Ion). I have to check it out up close... I have seen it at the dealership while I am sicking and waiting for my oil to be changed. I haven't actually gotten up and looked at it though. It's tempting though.
I have been doing my regular sweat the ass off thing at work, but nothing there has changed. I keep telling myself to stick it out... endure it... they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but what if you thinking that is slowly killing you and you just don't know it yet?
I may or may not be going to see a band this Friday. I haven't decided yet. I really can't make these descisions in advance anymore. It's a more, wait and see how you feel, kinda descision.
I'm tired... not so much sleepy tired.. more of a worn out need a break kinda tired. My head hurts... o.k. now I am just bitching.

JENNAAAAAAAA......

2008-07-25T16:06:00.001-04:00

WELCOME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad you had a great time at camp and at Nana's this summer, but I know how much you were missed at home. XO

NO TATTOO FOR YOU!

2008-07-24T19:10:00.003-04:00

Well, I was called with disappointing news this morning.
Mike woke up with a serious migraine. Sans vomiting and all. He said he had to reschedule.... I said I TOTALLY understand. So, ::POUTS:: No tattoo for me... for today. However, I did get my hair trimmed and layer. It looks and feels much better. Alisa joined me and got a really cute hair cut in which she said I could share... so now for your viewing pleasure....

Look it's the Flock of Seagulls.... O.K.it's just Alisa in mid cut

Finished and perfect... notice the small strip that is slightly longer and dark brown... I think it's cute! However, the color is just temporary...

Yay....

2008-07-23T22:43:00.002-04:00

Only 14 hours left.... I am stoked! My day will not go fast enough tomorrow! Time will probably stand still for most of the day. Think of me around 2:30pm tomorrow... that's when the fun shall begin!
Oh and Bonus. Not only will I have pics of the new ink tomorrow, but I will also be posting my 100th blog post! YAY!!!

My JFW....

2008-07-22T21:04:00.004-04:00

This week is going smoothly. We are steadily doing our work without the grueling annoyance that is our art director. As some of you may recall he is the reason for much of my anger and annoyance at work. He is gone for the week. The tension has ceased and everyone can breathe a little easier.
It is hot and humid in the shop. I think I have been sweating more this past few weeks than I have in most of my 29 years. It is disgusting!
I am still being jerked around about the time I asked to take off. They make it sound as if I have missed so much work. I only have 4 unapproved absences for the year. I don't get it... I had to use a week of my vacation over Christmas break because we were closed for a week without pay. I couldn't afford to lose that time without some sort of pay. The rest of my vacation has been used for time I took off after dental work or because I needed a break after installs. I guess being there for almost 10 years and driving almost 100 miles a day to work.... and giving 2 and 1/2 months in Oklahoma doesn't deserve a measly week off.
One more day to get through until I get my tattoo. I am SSSOOOO excited! I will post pics and what the poem actually says on Thursday night.

P.S.... Claudia, I wish you the very best in your time of grief. If you need an ear do not fret to call. Much love honey!

Sushi, hibachi, and drama

2008-07-19T00:16:00.003-04:00

Good friends, good food and the fat, ugly bitch at the bar.

So, I went to eat dinner with my youngest sister (we'll call her Bear), her boyfriend (we'll call him Cuz), and a friend of mine (and he shall be Spike).
Bear and I walked into the restaurant first, followed by Cuz and Spike. Next thing I know Cuz is at the bar saying hello to some girl. Bear was none too happy about this. So, all night Cuz got the cold shoulder. I don't understand the mentality of, you can't talk to other guys/girls. If you are secure in your relationship, why have unreasonable ground rules? WTF?? I don't like drama.. I'm not your typical girl I guess... I don't understand this mentality!?!?! All I know is a perfectly good evening was spoiled by as Bear put it... the fat, ugly bitch at the bar... I think it was ruined by the lack of trust in people. But... then again WTF do I know.. I'm single. LOL

My awesome....

2008-07-17T22:24:00.003-04:00

new header was given to me by lovely Mrs. Claudia from Dragonfly Dreaming! It ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!
Thank you Claudia Darling! XOXOX

Hmmmm

2008-07-15T20:21:00.002-04:00

So, I am getting my next tattoo on the 24th! I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY about this!!!
I am getting one of my poems starting at my shoulder and wrapping my arm to the wrist. I am getting it in Edwardian script to keep it feminine, but am not sure if I should go with my first idea of black... to give it the quill and ink look or maybe with something a bit softer in a grey tone.... Hmmmm.... What do you think??
Something says stick with my first intuition.

Roller derby

2008-07-14T14:09:00.003-04:00

I went to watch the Gainesville Roller Rebels yesterday. It was soooo much fun! I was a little disappointed that the track was flat and that they weren't blocking as hard as I have seen in the past, but it was still fun. This was the first bout in Gainesville and I look forward to seeing many more. Roller Derby is fun!!

P.S... I was standing there with my friend Mike and his friend Dan, and Dan told me that I had glitter all over my face. I said "GLITTER??" He said yeah... it's everywhere... then he say's Oh, it's sweat... your sweat looks like glitter.
I almost died apparently I sweat glitter! LOL I guess you had to be there.

question

2008-07-12T23:16:00.002-04:00

I have been asked many, many times...
If you had to lose either your hearing or vision, which would you choose?

I already have a problem hearing. I love music.It helps me get through the day... it calms me. I love to listen. When everything gets all quiet at night, sometimes, I lie in the dark and just listen to the sounds of the night. I don't think I could stand to not hear.
Seeing though, I don't think would be such a problem. I have seen things. I understand color. I dream very vividly. I think that I could cope with not being able to see.

What do you think would be more of an issue for you?

Yay and Nay

2008-07-10T16:57:00.003-04:00

I got a massage on Tuesday. It was absolutely relaxing and wonderful. I went to Attractions Spa and Tan. An awesome lady name Raean. She has magic hands!!
I went back to work yesterday... it was hot and humid and absolutely disgusting. Today was no better. I am glad that tomorrow is Friday. I need another break!

What exactly do you do for a living??

2008-07-08T09:31:00.004-04:00

I hear this question a lot. So, let me show you....

Start with a big empty room.... You add a few trees...

You add some rebar and steel...

You add some lath to give form....

Slap on some mud.... and you carve out some rocks...

Add some dirt, plants and a bit of paint...

....and then you start to see the magic.

This is a sample of what we do at my job. It takes a very talented group of individuals to make this sort of magic. At times I may not be so happy with some of those individuals, but we do a hell of a job. The beauty that we create never ceases to amaze me!

P.S... this last picture was taken by my co-worker and friend Angela. I must give her credit where credit is due. She is an amazing photographer!

fireworks with Punky

2008-07-08T09:06:00.004-04:00

My sister and my niece came over on Sunday and had fireworks with me. We weren't together for the 4th so, we had a post 4th celebration. I cooked and then we did fireworks. It was fun.... here are some pics....

Is Punky just too cute??

ouch

2008-07-05T21:51:00.003-04:00

I am burnt! Totally fried... going to feel really sorry later... I hope it doesn't blister.. oh god where is the aloe.... kind of burnt!I went and met up with some friends out at the springs today and floated down the river with them. I put SPF 50 on, but I am pasty white girl... I DO NOT go in the sun, therefore, the sun has decided to punish me. My legs are the color of anger! Here's a pic... it SO does not do this color any justice.

Must put aloe on it now!!!

Happy 4th

2008-07-04T10:02:00.002-04:00

Today is a day for celebrating our Independence.... I however am celebrating my freedom. My freedom from Oklahoma. I am home.WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!
Happy 4th to everyone. Be safe.... don't blow any fingers off.

P.S.... it may take me a bit to blog. Our wireless is having issues and we now only have one computer working online in the house... I may have to fight for it. This could get messy.
Love you all.

Baton Rouge baby

2008-07-02T22:10:00.002-04:00

I am half way home. We stopped for the night. I can't wait to get home. I talked to my Dad tonight. He is coming to pick me up tomorrow. YAY!! I'M ALMOST THERE!!!!

P.S.... To Mrs. Claudia... Thank you for the great conversation tonight. You ROCK!!

Mama I'm coming home...

2008-07-02T08:41:00.002-04:00

This is it folks.... I'm out of here. I just wrote down my exit strategy or, uh, I mean directions. I am headed home.
Tracy, Sorry honey.. I won't be going through your part of the state, but I am still planning on coming to see you.

some music for inspiration...

2008-06-29T21:34:00.003-04:00

I was jamming out to music on my I-pod today... which is such a no no on the job site... But Jason said we could since we were the only ones there. I was listening to "10 years" for most of the day.... I am slightly addicted to there latest cd... but then I switched to "5 finger death punch"...I love this song by them called "Never Enough" and well with all the bullshit I have been putting up with recently the words for the first 1/2 of the song are VERY appropriate! Read for yourselves....

Never Enough - 5 Finger Death Punch

verse 1:
I'm so fed up with everyone around me
No one seems to care
I'm just so far gone and nothings gonna change
I'll never be the same

pre-chorus:
It's always do this do that
Everything they want to
I don't wanna live that way (No)
Every chance they get they're always
Pushing me away

chorus:
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be

verse 2:
It's all so messed up and no one ever listens
Everyone's deranged
I'm just so fucked up and I'm never gonna change
I lay it all to waste

pre-chorus:
They're always say this say that
Nothing that you want to
I don't wanna live that way (No)
Every chance they get they're always
Shoving me aside

chorus:
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be
I'm done!

O.k.... so this is where it changes meanings for me, but that's a whole different post! Anyway read on if you'd like...

verse 3:
In the end we're all just chalk lines on the concrete
Drawn only to be washed away
For the time that I've been given
I am what I am

verse 4:
I'd rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can't

outro:
It's never enough, it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter who I try to be
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter how I try to change
It's never enough, never never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be

Oh and check out my side bar for my fairy name... thanks to Tracy and Claudia for the little bit of fun!

Hmmm...

2008-06-28T21:24:00.002-04:00

Well folks, I may or may not be going home Wednesday or Thursday. Isn't that a great answer. Some people are getting to go home on Monday.
I have been sleeping like crap for the last two weeks. It is getting worse. I hate when this happens. Soon I will not be sleeping at all. My body will start shutting down on me... ie: no energy... I won't be able to eat.. I will get sick very very easily. I love being this stressed.
The end is in sight.. I guess. I am hoping it goes by quickly. I can't wait to get home.

On a more positive note... Claudia, I have thought of something that I love about myself.
My sense of humor. It's slightly warped in a fun sort of way. I love to laugh and love to make others laugh. That's one thing that no one can take away from me!

WTF???

2008-06-23T22:12:00.002-04:00

So, The conversation that I had with my manager.... the one that I had in Confidentiality was made into a mockery. My manager called the Crew chief here and told him what I said. Then the crew chief told some of the boys, who decided to mock me all day today. I have very little patience left. I was very good though. I kept my mouth shut instead of blowing up at them. I wanted to attack... to destroy.. instead I ignored it and walked away like I had no clue what they were doing. So, instead I wrote an email to the company President and expressed my feelings, in a very professional way, about this company, their employees and how they handle things. I am fed up now. It's over... I am through playing games.

Children... and I use this term loosely

2008-06-22T11:03:00.004-04:00

I work with a bunch of children. There is a time and a place for everything. This is not the time and place.
We (12 of us) went out for dinner last night. A place that I thought everyone would enjoy. We show up. Wait the allotted amount of time and are seated at 3 tables in the corner of the room. Now, this is a larger, loud steakhouse... lots of buzzing and sound. We had a completely shitty server. Now, usually I can take bad service to a degree, but this was the be all end all of bad service. I think the woman was methed out of her head or something. She kept making her suggestions, which can be helpful, but if someones says "no, I think I just want it this way" and it still comes out wrong, because she decided he suggestion was better... that's enough! Well, the boys were busy throwing peanuts at each other and drinking heavily, but I keep an eye on things and get rather annoyed when I hear people complaining because they didn't get what they were asked for, or were told no because her way was better. At the beginning. I was the first person to speak to our server. I stated very clearly that we ALL would have separate checks. At the end of our meal... we ended up with checks separated by table. I approached the server and said, we wanted completely separate checks... and she started to yell at me. People who know me, know that I don't take people yelling at me very well. So, luckily her manager was there during this whole scene. I didn't even have the chance to argue. He stepped up.
This is where the children come to play. One of our crew members was drawings caricatures... of course this means he drew one of the waitress. This started the real drama. I guess after I paid and went outside to smoke myself calm, she found the picture. It started with her crying and cussing at the guys. Then it led to her handing them one bill and saying figure it out.
At his point it is after 11:00pm and the doors are locked. So, the guy that was outside with me and myself had no idea what was going on, just that we were locked out and everyone else was inside.
So, I called one of my co-workers that were inside and asked WTF?? She filled me in on the situation and slowly people made there way out.
Now, it is Midnight. We are half an hour from the hotel. I am one of the only sober people in the group... driving a big fucking van, what happens? Ice! Yes, they started throwing ice. A piece, at this point, smashes off of the dashboard and hits me in the face. I slammed on the breaks and scream "STOP THROWING SHIT!" to the response of "God, why do you have to be so angry". I have to bite my tongue. I can feel the anger rising in my throat. I can feel my heart beat racing. I can feel my blood pressure rising well above the safe zone. So, I sit there quietly and drive. Not because I am chicken shit, but because at this point I feel as if I am going to burst into flames and attack. I felt like a cornered animal.
Then, I get back to the hotel... walk quietly away from the large loud drunk crowd of idiots and go to my room. After my roomy comes in she says "Chris wants the keys." I said no at first, then she says he needs something out of the van. I precede to say no, he's drunk they don't need to go anywhere... and then I get the look. The look, like I'm an idiot and I should just shut up. So, I handed her the keys, even though it is against my better judgement. At this point I don't care.
I called my manager in Florida this morning. I told him that I was going to pay for my own rental car and come home. He has assured me that there is only 8 days left. He has talked me into staying out the 8 days. So, I have told him that I am at my wits end. I am at my breaking point... I don't feel needed here anymore and I feel that I am being kept here against my will. I said will wait out the 8 days, but when I return I want a meeting with Management. Oh, I have some shit to say. Even if it costs me my job... the job I have had for almost 10 years. The job that I love. I WILL NOT BE QUIET ANY LONGER!

Claudia

2008-06-21T19:50:00.001-04:00

As per your request.... I am fixing you! *POOF*
O.k.... did it work? Let me know... I may need to try again! Loves ya honey!

Paulie.....

2008-06-20T21:43:00.001-04:00

I think I may have fixed the problem... try it now honey!
If it doesn't work send me a text.

La La love you

2008-06-19T21:31:00.002-04:00

I am home sick. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I am happy to say though, I love you. Those of you who read my blog regularly... and yes, I read yours regularly... You keep me from feeling lonely. I love the comments you leave me. The fun little tid bits into your lives and the amazing warmth and compassion you give when I am feeling alone. I want you all to know that you are very special to me. Thank you.

I feel like poo

2008-06-17T11:35:00.002-04:00

I stayed home from work today. Well, at the hotel anyway. I went to bed with a migraine last night and woke up with the creeping crud this morning. I Went back to sleep after calling my boss. I just woke up 20 minutes ago. I now just want to go back to sleep, I am just afraid that I won't be able to sleep tonight. I need a hug.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2008-06-15T09:58:00.001-04:00

To all those Baby Daddies out there... It's your special day.
Happy Father's day!

The Happening

2008-06-15T00:42:00.002-04:00

M. Night Shyamalan should be slapped! This movie is horrible! We drove an hour to go to this theater that we did some work for just to see this movie and it SUCKED!!! The only thing that was worth a damn was at the very end.... Mark Wahlberg walking away from the camera.... That man has a really nice body. O.k... 2 things worth a damn in the movie... it finally ended!
The only other thing to report is I have tomorrow off. I am stoked, even it is only for 1 day.

Today is...

2008-06-13T12:54:00.002-04:00

a very special day. It is Mrs. Claudia's birthday! Check out her blog here
Happy birthday you ravishing beauty. I hope you have a perfect day! XOXO

2008-06-11T21:43:00.002-04:00

Contemplating
I love the sky
Big fuckin' spider crossing the road
I was lying on this rock, thinking about things. I was looking up at the beautiful sky and thinking about things. Then, there was this big fucking spider crossing the road. Did you know that there is a breed of tarantula in Oklahoma? They are everywhere.

Ooh La La

2008-06-09T18:54:00.003-04:00

So, Saturday night, Angela and I went to see "You can't mess with the Zohan". It was funny. We had a great Steak at this kick ass steak house first and then laughed our asses off at the movie.
Sunday was uber amazing . We went to Echo Canyon Resort and Spa and had Massages! I had an Aromatherapy "rain drop" massage... they drip warm and cool oils all over you slowly and give you a really nice massage and then at the end they use the hot stones. I think at one point I had actually turned into a puddle. It was luscious.

I am in need of sleep

2008-06-05T23:06:00.002-04:00

I am worn down. My sleep has been scattered. I feel as if I am dragging along. I just need a good nights sleep. I have tried damn near everything... I am drained.
I can't wait until I am finished with this job. I just want to go home and crash for like 2 days... in my own bed... without the stress of knowing I have to be up for work at the ass crack of dawn... without the pressure of 10 hours days with the treat of no time off. This is getting old. I just want to leave Oklahoma.
O.k... enough bitching for now... I am off to bed and hopefully going to sleep.

More fun from Travis' birthday

2008-06-05T22:46:00.002-04:00

More pics... more goofyness.... more antics... more booze! LOL
Travis and Skoda
Tim
Skoda the Pirate
Chris

Travis' birthday pics

2008-06-04T22:11:00.002-04:00

Here are some pics from Travis' birthday... and my co-workers.... Can you tell they were having fun?
Travis
James
Tom
Sulli and James
Anthony

I'm still here

2008-06-04T21:49:00.003-04:00

It has been a while since my last post, but I am still here. Still in Oklahoma and still working like a slave!
We had a good time on Saturday night. It was Travis' birthday so, we went bowling. I played DD for the boys, to make sure they had a good time and got home safely.
Work is moving along nicely. My art director says he thinks we should be finished in about 3 weeks. I am still not so sure. There is still a lot to do. We have a very talented group of people and everyone is kicking ass, but it is a LOT of work.
I will write more when I am not so tired.

It is only Wednesday?

2008-05-28T20:11:00.003-04:00

We went out last night... got a bit tipsy... some may even say wasted. It was fun though. Ricky was leaving us today, so we had to go out for one last night on the town for him. There was lots of alcohol involved... Several games of pool... some good tunes on the Juke box... lots of fun new friends... and Jello Shots... lots and lots of Jello shots!
A couple of guys from the work site were out also last night. They hung out with us for quite sometime. Today they were dragging ass and were being teased by there boss and fellow co-workers that 2 girls could out drink them and come to work in good spirits and WITHOUT hang overs! They were good sports about it though.
Tom took pictures of our evening... so hopefully he will send them to me so I have something fun to post.

Fun filled day

2008-05-26T20:34:00.002-04:00

We had quite the day today. We left around 11:00 am to go to Ardmore. We went shopping at the Super Wal-mart first... took in a movie (most of us watched Iron man a couple people watched Indy) next we went tool shopping at Lowes... then we had a great dinner at Budrow's Rib Joint! It was a fun filled day off, relaxing, refreshing and much well deserved by all! Hopefully we can have a time like this every weekend that we are here. I think everyone involved had a good time!

bits and pieces of my day

2008-05-24T21:41:00.004-04:00

Well, today went by smoothly. We went in to work.. sweated our asses off only to get to leave early! WOO HOO!! We get to take Sunday and Monday off. I feel as if I am dreaming! LOL
So, the boys decided to go camping this weekend. Here are some picks of our visit with them this evening!

Travis' first catch of the day... which went right back in the water!

A beaver skull the boys found in the woods.

Sulli smiling with his first catch... which, also went right back into the water.

Beautiful Ms. Angela

A campsite with a view.

Tom taking a picture of me, taking a picture of him.

A view through the rocks.

A ghostly dragonfly for Mrs. Claudia

Angela and I hanging out.

Memorial day weekend in Sulphur,Oklahoma

2008-05-22T21:14:00.005-04:00

There is a carnival in town. It is set up right next door to the hotel. This weekend is supposed to be big here. A lot of tourists coming into town. So, we have been kicked out of the rooms we have been staying in... gotten used to... made comfy for our extended stay. We get to shack up in single rooms with 1 king size bed and a roll away! Yes folks, you heard me right. Luckily for me, I am a girl. There is only 2 of us on the trip and we have the luxury of staying 2 to a room. Unfortunately for the boys, but some will be shacking up 3 to a room,again with roll aways. The Hotel doesn't have enough roll aways to go around so, some people may be sleeping on the floor. Angela and I are going to share the King size bed to make one of the roll aways available for one of the unfortunate! We get our rooms back on Sunday. I think they were expecting me to be like "oh goody!", but instead I was like "thanks for allowing me to go back to the room I should be staying in for the ENTIRE time I am here", but whatever. I think some people don't understand sarcasm! Any who I am in much better spirits today and I think I am finally getting over this shitty cold.

rough day

2008-05-19T20:04:00.002-04:00

Today was my breaking point.No details. I have just barely made it through. I snapped in the van when we left site today. Got back to the hotel room needing to cool off, so, I jumped in the shower and I started to cry. The tears felt good, but then I couldn't stop them. I needed a voice of sanity. A voice of reason. A voice from home. I found that in my friend Paulie. He was the first person I thought of and I am glad he answered the phone. He made me feel SOOOO much better. So, thank you Paulie. I'm sorry I had to call you crying and begging you to just talk, but you made me feel much better. At least for the moment. ::HUGS::

mud, blood, and tears

2008-05-15T21:11:00.003-04:00

Well, this job is one big cluster fuck. Things couldn't be more confused. We start a project only to get stopped again. When we get the o.k. to press on, we have something else happen.
It rains here and the ground turns to pure mud. You try and walk through the site and you have mud up to your elbows.
Porta-potties. That's really all I can say. I work in a construction industry and you'd think by now I would get used to these things, but no. I don't get the concept of plumbing without water, and don't get me started on the pigs that use these things!
I have been talking with my family over the last few days. My Uncle was taken off his respirator this afternoon and allowed to pass peacefully. I had prepared myself for this news and feel much more at peace myself now that I have had a chance to take it all in, spin it through my brain and get a grasp on it. Thank you for the kind words.

Saddened

2008-05-13T19:18:00.006-04:00

For those of you who know me well, know that I have a very strong intuition about somethings. This morning it was kicking in hard core.
I knew something wasn't right as soon as I got out of bed. I had this small burning in the pit of my stomach that started to spread throughout my body. I was having trouble concentrating and I just new my phone would ring sometime today with bad news. It did.
My Uncle Frank has been fighting with Lung cancer and everything seemed to be doing well, but he is now in ICU with a tumor that is trying to attach itself to his heart.
I received a phone call just as we were leaving the job site for lunch. I didn't get the news of what was actually going on until I was away from my crew members. This I am glad for. They are a bunch of guys who might have just taken it as an overly emotional girl. Except for Molly who did let me talk it over with her and get a couple tears out before I had to return to work.
I get very very attached to people. I tend to feel deeply about the people I love. More so than most people. This is bad. I have lost so many people in my life. It tears at my soul each and every time I have to face these things. Usually I am with my parents and family when these times arrive, but now I am not. I am stuck in Oklahoma.
I wish I could be there with my Aunt Patty and her Daughters to hug them and tell them that I love them. I wish I could say my goodbyes to my Uncle. I am just saddened by this. I hurt all over.

So, I guess I will have to fill you in on my Mis-Adventures another time right now I can not.

Mother's day

2008-05-11T20:30:00.003-04:00

To all the Mother's who read my blog.... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! Love you guys... er... Girls! XO
I will write soon with an update on Oklahoma. It's getting interesting... to say the least.

cough cough

2008-05-06T22:12:00.002-04:00

I think I'm getting sick. ::POUTS:: My throat is all scratchy and I have a dry cough. My nose is kinda stuffy and my headaches! One of my co-workers got sick the other day. He had to leave early and then he missed the next day. I REALLY hope I don't have whatever he did, but I am afraid that I do! Maybe it's just my allergies.
It rained today. For most of the morning, which turned the job site into a big huge mud pit. This would be fine if we had 4 wheelers, but no, we have to trudge through mud to get to the potty and trudge back. It's absolutely disgusting. It's red clay mud.
Everything is going smoothly right now. Hopefully the rest of the install goes this way. Then maybe I can go home sooner than I expected I would.
Someone come make me soup and rub my hair and tell me happy things and make it all better.

BLAH

2008-05-02T22:50:00.002-04:00

I'm bored in Oklahoma. This place is tiny. There is really nothing here. The grocery store is tiny... there is not much to chose from. We are here to work, but you need somethings to make life seem to be normal. Those things are NOT here!

I'm here part 2

2008-04-30T21:13:00.004-04:00

To start off with, I must say that we had a very LONG, but somewhat interesting and annoying trip. Here are some photo's of things along the way.

(click on the photo's to see them full size.)

First.... A great BIG hello to My Hot Mama Tracy! I was on the phone with her when I took this picture! Ahhhhh... It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

This is Ricky. I was riding in our 25' box truck with him. We were keeping each other awake and cracking jokes.... and singing really loud to songs on the radio!

Scary sight. Across from the hotel we stayed in in Shreveport, LA. It says... Airport Casino... and Seafood Diner. It is attached to a gas station. EEEWWWWWW!

The Dairy Best! Two big cows located in the parking lot next door to the hotel.

This is the dive we stayed in. It doesn't look so bad on the outside... but if you would have been there, you would have been asking... "Why can't we stay at the Hampton Inn next door?"

This made me laugh... It was on a building in Texas. I read it and said... "Yeah, I'm sure!"

I'm here

2008-04-30T19:11:00.001-04:00

I'm here... I think I forgot to pack my enthusiasm though. LOL I will put a real blog up later.... with pictures. We are off to find some dinner.

On the road again...

2008-04-28T09:48:00.003-04:00

Well, I am all packed. Just have to lug it all out to the car. I leave tomorrow morning. We will be driving the 2 company vans from Florida to Oklahoma. We are making this trek in 2 days.... so, unless I feel like dragging the computer out when we stop Tuesday night... you all will not hear from me again until I am there.
I am already worn out and haven't even made it there yet! I am not looking forward to this at all. Please keep positive thoughts for me... to get finished quickly... to not be sucked away by a tornado... and to not lose the little fragment of the sanity I have left!
I will try to take pictures along the way... and definitely when I am there.

Tracy,
To answer your questions... I will be coming to see you when I get back from this trip and I will probably not be home for your visit in June. I'm scheduled for 3 months.

For Claudia

2008-04-25T21:54:00.000-04:00

I might not have mouse ears, but I'm damn cute with bunny ears! LOL

I am not looking forward to baseball sized hail

2008-04-23T23:32:00.000-04:00

We got our schedule for the install today. As of now we will be pulling a 60 hr work week. That isn't too bad.It may change to more depending on the scale of work that needs to be pushed along. One of my co-workers asked if we could work 7 days a week and you should have seen the looks that everyone gave her.
I am dreading this trip more and more every day. I have a burning in the pit of my stomach. I fear the worst. Hopefully it is only a fear.
I however will have wireless and will have my computer. It will be my link to the outside world for the most part. I'm sure I will be draining my Cell phone battery quite regularly as well.
I can't wait for tomorrow to be over. I have taken Friday and Monday off to allow for more time to run errands and pack. O.k.... it's also to try and collect a little sanity before I travel into Hell.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned my rather large affliction to storms. Not a general thunderstorm, but rut a STORM! High winds, the mention of tornado's... you know... storms! Yeah, so now I am going to Tornado alley during peak storm season.
I may just panic myself to death. Is that possible? O.k... it is fair to say I am not looking forward to this trip!

Book recommendations?? Anyone??

2008-04-20T23:20:00.000-04:00

I need some new things to read.... any recommendations? Please? I am leaving on the 29th for Oklahoma. I am going to need some new books, at least 5 to start, to keep me occupied for the next 2 to 3 months. I love to read... I love books. HELP!

Empty, Cold and Alone

2008-04-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

Broken down inside

Lifetime full of lies

Memories are diseased and withered

I reach for what I cannot grasp

My mind feels hollow

Empty, Cold and Alone

Thinking back on how it could have been

Asking for another chance

Rejection simply taken

No more can I overcome

Tearing at my face

Life seems forgotten

Left alone and cold

Crushed beneath this heavy weight

I am left unknown

Boys will be boys

2008-04-18T22:51:00.000-04:00

So, I was in Micheal's buying some things for work when who do I see?? My exes best friend. Yeah... so, I am on the phone with my Manager describing something that he asked me to pick out and "he" walks around the corner, his eyes got all big, he backs up and runs away.... literally... he almost knocked my co-worker, Molly, over. I almost dropped my phone. I don't get it. I was the one who got dumped with no explanation. I was the one who was civil about the whole shitty situation... and I am the one who gets run away from? Too funny.
Next I went to Best Buy to spend my gift certificate. I'm walking down the aisle looking for a CD that I want and some guy says "Hey, nice piercings". I was like, wha? He actually just started talking to me. It was kinda freaky... next thing I know I was being asked for my phone number?!?! Yeah, this doesn't happen to me.... It was kinda trippy... sorta surreal even.
Then, I return to work and am asked about this new bank account program that we are doing at work... asked if I will go down to the bank and check it out... I said "sure, I'll be the Guinea pig". My Manager says... let me know how it goes.
I get down to the bank, talk to the loan officer lady and presto... easy as pie. New account open... extra $25.00 for signing up! CHA-CHING!! Then I get in the car, call the boss man, give him the skinny and said.... "I'm a good Guinea pig, huh?" He tells me I'm a Guinea scientist.... I thought it was kind of a compliment... and kinda silly.
All in all I was run away from, hit on, and complimented by the opposite sex today.... I guess it was a good day.
Oh yeah, I guess I shouldn't forget the 3 Cd's, 1 DVD and the extra $25.00 I scored in the process!! If you could see me right now... you would see a smile from ear to ear!

I won, I won!

2008-04-16T21:57:00.001-04:00

So, we had our monthly safety meeting at work today. At the beginning one of my managers gave us all a slip of paper with our names on it. At the end he had us ball them up and put them in a bowl. One of the other managers reached in, stirred them around and then pulled one out. I thought to myself, "that one looks like mine", but then thought "no, it can't be". The first manager opens it up and reads of our main bosses name, then laughs and said my name!! It was for a $50 gift card to best buy. YAY!! I'm glad I didn't leave early today.
Oh yeah, I leave the 29th of April to go to Oklahoma.

ARGGHHHH

2008-04-15T21:03:00.000-04:00

A co-worker of mine and his wife stopped at a local ATM on Wednesday night only to have some jackass come up and stick a sawed off shotgun into their car window and into her face. He told them to give him the money (which luckily was only $30) and then he smashed their wind shield with a hammer. Yes, folks you heard me right!
They attempted to chase him, but unfortunately did not catch up. At one point they were going 110mph and decided it wasn't worth their lives or anyone else's to catch this prick! They did however get a description of him and the car he was in. They think there may have been someone else in the car acting as the get away driver, because of how fast he got to his car and got out of the parking lot!
This is scary.... no, it's beyond scary, it's terrifying! So, as a reminder.... if you have to go to an ATM, even a drive up be CAUTIOUS!!! People can be hiding anywhere... even around dark corners. Luckily my friends didn't get hurt. Be safe.

Monday, Monday, Monday...

2008-04-14T18:29:00.000-04:00

I actually woke up this morning (after a whole 2 1/2 hours of sleep) and felt good. I had energy, I didn't have one of my annoying stomach aches and I didn't try to go back to sleep and ignore the day. I had a half way decent day at work too! I don't know maybe my good Karma is starting to catch up to me, or maybe I just need a bit of positive energy from time to time.
In a few more weeks I am leaving to Oklahoma. I have no clue of what to expect... except that we are going to be working our asses off. I kind of dread it, but at the same time it's another new adventure.
I need my hair trimmed desperately. It is looking pretty shabby!
O.k.... I am off to make dinner now. Bya!!

My Punky

2008-04-12T00:54:00.000-04:00

I am sooo glad it is the weekend! Here is a picture of my neice! It's from her 1st birthday (which was in November) I think she is too cute for words... all covered in cake!

A great big hello....

2008-04-08T22:11:00.000-04:00

This is a GREAT BIG HELLO to Hallie over at Wonderful World of Wieners. She has an awesome blog!! Thanks for the response to the email... I will send you some recipes soon! :)

Much needed time...

2008-04-06T21:12:00.000-04:00

I had a rather good weekend. I didn't do much of anything Friday night, just lounged around and watched some movies on IFC. Then Saturday, I went to my friend from work, Molly's house. We went to move the things in her storage unit into a smaller unit. After that, which was only about an hours worth of work, we went and had a great lunch at a small Mexican joint. It was super Yummy! We went back to her place and chilled out watched a movie and had a great conversation. This morning we got up and had a great breakfast, took a short walk down her road to the river. Checked it out and walked back. We hung out for a few more hours before I drove the hour and 1/2 home. That is the first time I have really hung out with Molly outside of work or business trips and we had a blast! It was a much needed escape from the stress of the week!

Annoyed

2008-04-04T16:54:00.000-04:00

I have been working at my job for somewhere around 8 years now. I started there in 1999 and was laid off for nearly a year and 1/2 due to production being slow... aka no work! I came back in December of 2001 and have been there since. I work hard. I have what is, or so I am told by both employer/management and co-workers, an amazing talent for what we do. I have never been given a chance to advance at work, but have been given the responsibility (on numerous occasions) to train new hires that have never worked in our Field before (imagine that). I am also very Knowledgeable with the chemicals and products that we use. I help my production manager by making sure safety procedures are being followed and that people are complying with OSHA and EPA regulations(this I do on my own accord because everyone should have the right to a safe work environment). So for the length of time I have been working here I don't feel that I am given the respect I deserve (nor the pay... but that is an entirely different story). So, I finally get a chance to do something big. I have been doing Bid estimates for the last week and 1/2. Now, this is something usually only done by management, but I got asked to help. So, I have been doing what I feel is my best... with little to no explanation. One of my Managers comes to me today and asks me if I have been researching these numbers. I say how? He says through past labor reports?!?! ....Like I should have known this. I say no, I'm using my 11 years of experience in this Field to help me come to the figures I'm using. (All of which have been checked by my Art director... whom says I am doing a great job) He starts talking to me like I am an idiot. I felt like exploding. I wanted to reach over and claw his eyes out of his head! I have been working my ass off for a week and 1/2 on 2 MAJOR bid estimates... with NO prior experience doing this... and one bid that has now been completed and turned over to the client and he asks me NOW if I have been researching past labor reports to get a feel for the numbers?!?!!? I am mostly a patient person, but I cannot believe this! I am insulted... and it is really hard to insult me! I feel as if I, being a female will never get a chance to prove myself to some of these people.... now cover your eyes kiddies.... BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A DICK!!!!!!! I am outraged! I am not a stupid person... I know the aspects of my job... I know the products we use like the back of my hand. I think that I have a good working relationship with management and then I am talked to like I am a slobbering idiot! It was bad enough when he was making little jokes yesterday about me putting the future of the company in jeopardy if I screw this up, but to treat me like I'm some hack just pisses me off! I love what I do! I love creating awesome things for our clients. I am damn good at what I do... but today made me want to tell him to shove it up his ass, and leave while his jaw was still agape!
Sorry for bitching, I am through now!

I have been tagged... again

2008-04-01T21:37:00.000-04:00

It seems that at this very moment I don't have much to say. So, instead of trying to come up with something witty, clever or cutesy I will do this meme thing that Faerie Mom aka Tracy tagged me with. So, here it goes!

A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.
B. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and post their names, then goes to the blogs and leaves them a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.

What I was doing 10 years ago: 1998? I had just found the love of my life, but didn't know it yet. I was working at a shitty job and was participating in some rather peculiar activities!

5 Things on my To Do list today: Well, my to do list is kinda long, but top five... 1. Go through all of my crap and toss or donate all the stuff I don't use or need anymore.
2. Figure out how I am going to pack for the Oklahoma trip.
3. Wash clothes
4. upload some new pics.
5. put together the huge collage of photos I have been collecting up.

Snacks I enjoy: Chocolate, pretzels, chocolate chip cookies, dried apricots, garlic bread (because it's good anytime)

Things I would do if I were a Billionaire: Buy a house, pay off my and the families bills. (by family I mean my parents and siblings and Grandma)Travel, do special things for my closest friends, and donate to a couple of charities that I believe in!

3 of my Bad Habits: I have a vicious potty mouth, I sing along with the radio (in mixed company) and I have an affliction to nicotine

5 places I have lived: Gainesville, FL; Miami, FL; Chicago, IL; Alachua, FL; Where I live now, FL.

5 jobs I have had: Music store clerk, Artist, Carpenter/Set builder, Cashier, Furniture maker.

O.k.... so I am supposed to tag 5 people... I don't have anyone to tag, so.... if you wanna play along. Join in the fun!

Vistors

2008-03-27T22:40:00.001-04:00

My brother and the fam were here all week and I had a very busy schedule. That's about it. More later.

Another meme thingy

2008-03-24T12:48:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Jenna with this meme thingy. So here goes:

8 Things that I want to do before I die:
(in no particular order)
*Travel all over the world
*Become independently wealthy
*Have the time and money to do my own art again.
*Have a family of my own
*to have true love again without getting my heart smashed
*Get my own home
*Have a huge haunted house/ Halloween party with my bud Tom
*Be a rock star (LOL)

8 Things that I say often:
*That Rocks
*WTF (abbreviated for young eyes)
*Whatcha doin'
* I laugh a lot... Does that count?
*Love it
*F@CK _____! (insert just about any other word here)
* NO!
* Get bent ( I have a bit of a potty mouth)

8 Things that I sing over and over again:
*Bodies (with Tom)
*There was an old woman (who swallowed a fly){with my friend Jayne at work}
*Fascinating bitch (with Molly at work)
*Anything I'm listening to in the car ( I drive a lot)
*Any song that I hear more than once in a day
*Small plastic women (by Next Page... aka my brothers band...It's catchy)
*just about any Nirvana song
*Wires by athlete

8 Things that I am passionate about:
(Again.. in no particular order)
* My work
*cooking
*My family
*My friends
*Shoes
*Books
*Writing
*Music

8 Books I have read recently:
* Brother Odd... Koontz
*Poisoned Love..Caitlin Rother
*Garden of Darkness.. Anne Frasier
*(re-read) Dreams Underfoot.. Charles de Lint
*Sleep in Heavenly Peace..M. William Phelps
*The Eyes of darkness.. Koontz
*Baby be Mine.. Dianne Fanning
*I can't think of an eight

8 things that attract me to my best friends:
*We are all slightly insane
*we all have an awesome sense of humor
*we can make fun out of nothing
*to me they are all part of my family
*They all rock
*They are beautiful (inside and out)
*They are awesome listeners
*each and everyone of them (even though it's just a few) hold a very special place in my heart

8 People that I think should do this:
Everyone has done this... or been tagged to do it... so, whoever wants to join in!

More pictures from Tennessee...

2008-03-22T11:15:00.001-04:00

Well, I guess there was something wrong. I just added these photos straight from my computer, without using my photobucket, and they loaded imediately. So, as promised.... here are somemore pics from my trip.

The view from our balcony after the rain... the water went up about 4 feet! Compare these with the first ones I posted.
In some places it looked like white water. The water was pounding over the rocks. It would dip down and swirl.... It was really moving.

This guy was too cute! He's part of the exhibit we put in.

These flowers were along the walk way by the creek/river. The were so vibrant and beautiful.... it really made it feel like spring was coming!

2 Post's in one day.... Maybe my brain got enough sleep finally

Horton hears a who

2008-03-22T10:57:00.000-04:00

We went to see Horton hears a who last night. When I say we I mean, my Dad, Myself and my 19 year old sister. Yes, no children (except for the 3 big kids who refuse to grow up). That was a very good movie. There was one brief part in the middle that made me go, HUH?, but it was only a few minutes. The part that made us laugh the most was when Katie (the small yellow ball off fur with a face) walks up to Horton and says... In my world all of the people are pony's and they eat rainbows and poop butterfly's. I guess you kinda have to see it to understand why I found this sooo entertaining. It was definitely worth the money to go see it at the theaters. It's a must see for adults(who are young at heart) and children alike!

once apon a time in a far off place....

2008-03-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

There was a girl who had a dream to.....
O.k, wait.... this is not some silly little fairy tale. I have been absent from the blog world for a few days (or more). I have been completely wiped out. What is up when you are SOOOO tired and you get all comfy in bed and turn the light out because you feel as if you can't keep your eyes open, then POW your eye lids fly open and sleep is the last thing you can do. I have been trying to go to bed, but my eyelids just won't close. It has been over a week since I have had more than 4 hours of sleep at night. I have to be up at 5:30am to go to work. This would be fine if I drove a couple of miles to work, but no, I drive an hour or just over that to work. It is fun trying to keep my eyes open while driving... really. So, when my brain decides to give me some really sleep... I might have something more creative to say.
Goodnight.

Did someone say pictures??

2008-03-11T10:23:00.000-04:00

Here are some of the pictures from my trip..... I decided to use my photobucket to put them up, since I couldn't get them to load through blogger upload thingy.

These are the happy little ducks that hung out behind our rooms! (They sure liked pop-corn)

This is the creek behind our rooms.....

It ran right below our balcony....

More to come when I get the rest uploaded.

Hollow

2008-03-11T09:54:00.000-04:00

I have grown tired

I fear that my heart is growning cold

I feel alone and angry

At times this is hard to shake

I seek comfort

Solice

Instead I am given nothing

I'm afraid to attempt to take

What if I am greedy

Then the attempt will have been in vain

I feel hollow

Fragile, like I might break

Maybe this is how it should be

emptiness is all my soul can take

Back....

2008-03-10T14:50:00.000-04:00

I am home! We actually had to stay one extra day, so I got home last night. I finally got some much needed sleep. I'm glad the job is over, just to be home.

It's my party...

2008-03-08T01:30:00.000-05:00

I'll make you cry if I want too! LOL Today was my birthday. On the road again. Nothing new there. We had to work until 1:30a.m. 0r so last night/this morning. Got up bright and early, then went back to the grind. We worked until 9:00 p.m. tonight, went out for cuban food.. had a few drinks, hung out.... just had a good time. The guys had the restuarant staff come out and sing to me and i got some really super yummy cake too. LOL It was fun! Going home tomorrow.

Adventures through the Smoky Mountains

2008-03-03T17:07:00.000-05:00

I am here. I arrived Saturday, early evening. We had a decent trip up. Work has been kinda easy, but will probably give us a beating at the end. I went to see my brother yesterday. Unfortunately my Sis-in-law had to work. I hope to see her before I go home though. My neice is beautiful and such a sweet little baby. My other neice and nephew have gotten SOOOO big since I saw them last. I uploaded pictures.... I don't know where they are. When I figure it out I'll post them.